I recently received information that did not surprise me but pained me nonetheless. A friend of mine told me that a couple was comparing me and my sister again in the ‘beauty’ section. I think it is common for others to compare, especially if you are all females or all males in your family or group of friends. They would ask between themselves who was the most handsome, most beautiful, and smartest in the siblings or that group of friends. I know that this hurts since I am also the ‘second best’ when it comes to comparisons.
Comparing two people, especially kids, are not good. The earliest memories of comparing I had was about my skin color. I was an outdoor person while my sister would want to stay inside and that resulted to having a tanned skin that she did not have. I don’t remember what I did or how I acted as a child, but I was always labeled her. This frustrated and angered me because I understood, even in that age, that no matter how I try, I can only be myself and never a replica of others.
Comparing kids will breed negativity and low self-esteem, where they would question if the point of their existence was to highlight their sibling or friend who was smarter and prettier, which would cause them to think lowly of themselves. Comparing kids will also promote jealousy and insecurity, where kids would think of ways to punish the sibling or friend for being ‘prettier and smarter’ and would cause fights that were not meant to happen. Parents or parents-to-be, if you hear someone remarking that your second child is prettier than the first or vice versa, please ask them to refrain from comparing. Tell them that if they can’t resist the idea of comparing and contrasting the children, then they should talk where you or the children can never get wind of it. Instead of comparing, encourage them and find the different strengths and abilities that every child has instead of focusing on how they appear or how they do things well in one area alone.
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