Extended Families: How It Is Straining Filipinos

Reunions are always the best experience for anyone who has tons of aunties, uncles, and cousins. Extended families would bring us people who look like one another in different sizes, cousins bunking in one bed, aunties pitching in to cook delicious foods, and uncles sitting around bonfires, talking about politics and people they know. The noise, the laughter, and the memory of tight squeezes in bed make one happy and nostalgic, but what if this reunion extends for a month? Another year? Another decade? The noise that makes one delight that everyone is warm and safe in one place becomes unbearable. The laughter becomes irritating when one wants to work quietly or nap. The tight squeeze in bed frustrates your already soaring temper.

Having extended families at home is great at first, but how about extended stays? How about extended families moving in until further notice? The privacy you treasure becomes lost, the clutter increases, and the financial strain is felt by the host. The mouths you feed multiple, the bills increase with the use of gadgets and equipment, and the host family must rearrange things from drawers to shirts to accommodate for the others’ things. An aunt of mine is hosting her two grown daughters together with their husbands and tiny children in the province. Their small house with the capacity of four must accommodate eleven, the walls bursting in the seams. The sisters who were so close began to fight like cat and dog after getting reacquainted with each other’s adult self, finding the other wanting. They fought over who will buy groceries, feed the dog, and even soiled diapers! Everyone had no space or privacy, the accumulated material things piling on top of each other, making one short-tempered and frustrated.

Filipino culture tells us the having extended families are common. Sure, having family for a while is great, with babies and cousins playing and making memories with each other. But sometimes, one must draw the line. Aunties, uncles, and cousins should not overstay their welcome. Proverbs 25:17 speaks that you must ‘Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbor’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee’. It is more advisable for families to just live close to each other, not live on top of each other. Even if you are family, you can become a bother too. Extended families in reunions are awesome, but living with them for a long time is not.